she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
