just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
