So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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