how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
