yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
