you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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