um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I enjoy the company of your penis
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
