She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
