she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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