We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
