I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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