If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
