I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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