Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
