I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
