The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you would pick up someone in the library
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
