I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
