And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize