Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
