I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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