apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
