last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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