You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
