She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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