I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
