I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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