the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
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I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
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Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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