Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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