If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
