I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
