return my video game
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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