1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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