I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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