Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im holly from the hills drunk
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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