FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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