I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you had me at cake vodka
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize