And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
