mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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