the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you had me at cake vodka
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
