even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
