i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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