I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
