Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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