So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
