nut hugger
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
