so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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