Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
