Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dick very happy bro
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
