remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
