Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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