Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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