he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize