There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
