brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
