textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Your penis caused this!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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