how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
not ubering you a puppy
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
