where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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