Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
