What a fucking waste of an outfit
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
