I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
