i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
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The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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