Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
