Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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