you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
