Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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