thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
