i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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