I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
