VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
