How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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