New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
is wine microwaveable?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
