I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
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