I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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